Pain is measured by how much it is weighing you down. Unfortunately, this year was painful: for multiple reasons.
- · Physical and emotional weight gain
- · Wars across the globe
- · My sister-in-law’s 13-year-old nephew martyred
- · Left Medtronic after a 14 year tenure
- · Had an emergency heart angiogram
- · Crying in Jerusalem
Pain is subjective to those who are feeling it. In the Emergency Department, they objectify it to determine whether or not to treat you. In May of this past year, I went to two different ED’s. I had symptoms of a heart attack but since they weren’t dire, I was sent home. I recall the doctor saying “You won’t die tomorrow” at discharge. Two days later, I went with my instinct and saw my cardiologist, who transferred me for an emergency heart angiogram.
In December, the same thing happened. I went to four different hospitals
and saw more than seven physicians, for one of them to state “You’ll just need
to learn to live with chest pain.” <Insert gasp here.>
As I look back on the past year, I tried to summarize how my
pain was relieved. I realized after typing them that they also caused some of
the pain but it may still be worth sharing.
Stop Being So Hard On Yourself
Honestly, I still haven’t fully figured this one out yet. Balancing this so-called life with my family, my health and my work, I am constantly putting myself down with feelings of not being or doing enough. I try to keep up with the changes of my growing almost eight-year-old daughter with some days more difficult than others.
I switched jobs earlier in the year to be closer to my
daughter and found myself pulling further away from her. Working just as many
hours and doing the bare minimum when I got home, I thought it was a bad
decision until I realized how much she values the midday hugs, since I work at
her school. When someone asked her what I did, she proudly stated “she
practically runs the place with the principal!”
The hard expectations I put on myself aren’t as important to what my husband and daughter expect of me. The expectations and the goals I set for myself don’t mean anything if it creates bad memories for those who love me. When you set realistic expectations, it’s easier to be positive about who you’ve become. It is also easier to accept yourself at the end of each day.
Don’t Be Someone You’re Not
Speaking of expectations, we too often try to fit into a
mold to go along with the groove. I spent an amazing 14 years at Medtronic,
holding various roles to live out the company’s mission. I loved what we stood
for but I started to feel out of place. Why was I at this company? What was my
next move? Was it in alignment to I needed to be healthy? Or what my family needed
to stay strong?
It’s hard to make a change. It’s even harder to put on a face I couldn't keep straight anymore. There are multiple sayings on how it's easier to just tell the truth than to maintain a lie. That holds true in the people you surround yourself with and the roles you take on. Just be yourself.
Articulate Your Pain Well Enough to Explain It
The weight of living with some sort of chronic pain can be indescribable
on most days. But it’s critical to be able to speak up on when it’s holding you
down. I like to convince myself that the physicians I saw were experts in their
field, but to be out of breath with pain and tightness in my chest, well, that’s
just not normal. My friend, Dr. Kiran Chaudhry, teaches medical students. She
stated how it’s easy to read her notes and make a diagnosis because she
actually sits with her patients. She proudly explained to me “that’s the number
one thing I’ve learned in my twenty years of service is to just listen. Patients
already know what’s wrong with them, you just have to listen.”
After weeks in various hospitals with various doctors, it is
only when I finally found a doctor who listened that I started to heal. I was
able to explain my pain without a lecture on what they thought it was but
rather empathy for what I had been through. I was able to explain what was
happening and the effect it had on me. I went twice in once week and we were
able to work on a plan together for how I could get better.
When two people are dancing at a party, they both have the same amount of joy. When two people are sitting next to each other in
a funeral home, they both have the same amount of remorse. When
someone is in pain, the person adjacent to them cannot feel it. Even with empathy,
they do not physically have the same pain in that moment.
Pain is generally a lonely feeling. It can cause you to put
yourself down or to have you pretend you’re fine to keep everyone going. But with so much
of it in the world today, it’s important to be able to express it, even if it
can be kind of a downer.
It is okay to express pain. It is truly the only way to overcome it.
