Journaling: For better or for worse

It will be six years since I started my leadership blog. I had often read blog posts online and wondered if I would ever / could ever start one of my own. And here I am, I feel successful, mostly because I jotted down key life lessons. 

The pace of our work moves quite rapidly. You get up at 5 and immediately start your morning routine. You say to yourself "Hey - I might actually leave for work by 6" and the next thing you know it's 6:30. Then at work it's churn churn churn until the clock strikes 4. You rush home. Dinner on the table, baby fed, toys splattered across the floor. Then 10PM rolls around and you sit in your office saying "what happened today? Or better yet - what's happened in the last year?" 

Often times, we lose sight of the day. We fail to jot down lessons or reflect on what we did. We fail to make time for "whitespace" where we can just strategically stop to breath and innovate. So when I stopped tonight to read my first post from July 2012, I thanked myself for writing it down. And I appreciate you writing it down as well. 

People come to me for advice and if you're one of those people, you would have heard me say "just write it down." So here it is again - Write it down. 

Just Start Writing

I couldn't sleep tonight. I spent over an hour on Facebook catching up on my news feed, which I rarely do and asked myself - what's on my mind? I'm told it's difficult to journal but all you have to do is write. Whether it's in your notebook (on paper or on your electronic device), writing out words helps you internalize all that you have encountered throughout the day. 

It doesn't need to be Shakespearean. Just write words. The words will turn into sentences and the sentences will turn into stories. 

You will be amazed what you come up with. 

Be Purposeful When You Need To Be

I learned through various development training sessions some techniques to get me through rough patches. If it's a life change or I feel "stuck" I tend to turn to more purposeful writing sessions. Most of these you won't see on my blog but it's a tool that helps me overcome a challenge. 

For example, if I'm struggling with something but I cannot pin point what it is, I write out all the good and not so good things going on. I smile at the good and feel blessed and then do some more work on the not so good. I start by categorizing what I can and cannot control. 

For the items I can control, I write out short term and long term objectives. For the things I can't, I write them on a separate piece of paper and say "Good Riddance." I don't throw it out but rather tuck it away. They are real issues but they are not issues I can do something about, so why focus my time and efforts on them? 

Other purposeful writing sessions tend to be around career growth. When choosing my path, I learned to not only write out what you want to do but rather what you don't ever want to do. It's okay to map out where you don't want to go and why, so when the opportunity comes knocking, you can be true to yourself. 

Share Your Learnings

In 2012, I was selected to be in a leadership program for approximately a year. They handed out these really nice executive notebooks and said "Great leaders journal." I went home that night and wrote that down. And that was the only thing I wrote down. So, I found my own style to fulfill that task. During the day or after a long week, I would box out a space in my notebook to write out some thoughts. Good learnings or not so good responses. I also had a personal notebook stashed in the back corner of my closet for my emotions or other non-work related things. 

Then one day, I logged onto Blogger and wrote about "It's Just Noise." Not only did I publish my learning, but it stuck with me. Since that day, if something falls off my desk or someone coughs during my presentation, I keep going. It was an odd learning but one I felt I needed  to share. And I did. 

Sometimes we think we need to write as if someone is going to read it. But that's not always the case. Journaling has gotten me through different speed bumps on this road called life. 

I share this with you because I had a story to tell. A story about a girl who just wanted to write about her day but wanted others to benefit from it. Hopefully for the better. 

Photo credit: http://www.masscommunicationtalk.com/news-writing-editorial-writing-column-writing-and-feature-writing.html

Create A Bright Legacy

"John Herschel: Father, do you believe in ghosts?
William Herschel: Why, yes, my son.
John Herschel: You do? I would not have thought so.
William Herschel: Oh, no, not in the human kind of ghost. No, not at all. But look up, my boy, and see a sky full of them!"

Last week all eyes were up, looking at history. Having a total solar eclipse span across the United States will make it in the textbooks. But any scientist will say "Yes you are looking at history-8 minutes ago in the past."

Given The Sun's distance to the Earth, the rays that reach our planet were emitted roughly 8 minutes before.

At first I referred to events like this as history but what about our history? In one second I can look into the mirror and the first look I saw was already in history to the one I was looking at now.

Or how about one hour I'm twirling on the dance floor in a Barbie doll gown and then lying motionless on highway pavement waiting for my maker to take to me home?

How will our legacy be then?

Your Words 

The course of events in our daily lives causes us to make comments at the most frivolous things. How many times were you in a meeting or on the phone with a friend, and immediately put someone down?

We think we have an unlimited supply of time and people around us have unlimited supply of patience. But that's not the case.
Next time you're about to say something you wouldn't say to your six month old or your grandma, stop and swallow your words.

Your Actions

Actions speak louder than words. Right now, our country is dealing with the vast undertaking of Hurricane Harvey. Sweeping lives literally out of their homes and land. Reaching your arm to pull someone up from drowning, can go without saying, the most someone can ask of you.

These people don't need to talk. They don't need to explain themselves. They just do, with hopes it is the right action that leads to good.

Some of us are visual learners, therefore we remember an action or a gesture rather than what was spoken. When you demonstrate positive actions, people will speak more of you.

Your Presence 

How do you want to be remembered? How do you get your followers to walk by your side and even take over the baton of leadership? Your presence. I can confidently say I deliver results. As important as that is, what I consistently hear from team members and leaders is my passion.

Your character shapes who you are and is contagious at times. I've asked people why do you think I'm a good leader and they say "I just love how you present yourself. You make me want to work with you; for you."

Presentation can brighten the room and setting that particular tone is critical when starting new roles or projects. People can feel your energy and follow in your footsteps no matter how much the feat.

Your presence can leave a mark no matter how much time has passed.

Hind, you brightened this world. Your presence lit up the hearts of many souls. You were kind, charming, funny, smart and humble. As the amazing heartfelt girl you were, you stood straight up with pride looking for how to support. How to help. This world will be a shade dimmer before. Or it may be brighter for all of us who want to emulate your personality and to live on your behalf. I hate to question fate or say you were taken too soon but your legacy will remain. And what people are saying about you proves that your words were carefully selected, your actions were prioritized and your presence was worthy. We love you so much and always will. You will be missed. 

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Learning to Serve Through Language

English is my first language. I am however bilingual with Arabic as my second. And although I took Spanish in High School and tend to use it here and there living in Arizona, I cannot say I'm fluent in it.

Growing up, my parents spoke to my brothers and I in Arabic at home and we'd respond in English. My grandmother (God rest her soul) didn't speak English. So she would say a few words and we'd use hand gestures and visual cues to maintain a conversation.

I am confident to say I'm fluent now in Arabic - Speaking, Reading and even Writing. I'm slower at grasping than I was before but am starting to strengthen my language all over again. All thanks to my husband, where English is his second language.

What is even more amazing is that our dialects are different being that we grew up in two different nations. Since everyone knows his dialect is more delicate, I'm trying to learn it and speak it more.

When learning any new language, it's not just the words you're grasping. You're picking up the meaning and the cultural habits behind it. And it got me thinking in the last few weeks - what makes his dialect more "delicate" as I put it?

It demonstrates servant leadership at its core.

By simply swapping one word, you can go from being demanding to serving. Over the years through different leadership classes, I was mentored on how to approach my peers, subordinates and managers. I would come off as "bossy" and "pushy," to keep this post G-rated.

I started framing statements into questions as a way to bring people on board with me. I tried to reference someone's idea to show how I was listening and asked how we could use it or build upon it. At times when I had to give orders, the statements came with confidence and grace and an explanation as to why it had to be done.

I am still trying to master all of that and continue to look for ways to improve my communication. And now I found it. If I could take the concept behind my new dialect and translate it, I'll be one step closer to being more approachable.

Traditionally I would ask -

"What do you want help with?"

In this statement the you can be offensive and that alone can make the question less delicate. Rather I ask -

"What do you want me to help with?"

By adding me, you're removing the focus on the person and creating a team environment.

I also mentioned that English is a second language to my husband and this has been a lesson in itself. When communicating with him, there are phrases and words I would traditionally use that do not make sense when translating to Arabic.

So I've become selective when choosing how I say something to ensure it doesn't come off wrong. As we expand our global presence, this is a crucial skill we need to master.


Language is not only the words.

It's how we order the words.

It's how we select the words.

It's how we present the words - our tone and timing.

Language is key to how we interact and communicate with those around us. Be mindful for how you order select and most importantly present your words.

If you're a Star Wars fan, you would recognize that the Master of all Jedi's, Yoda, speaks in a different form than we do.

"Patience you must have young Padawan" and in this example he's emphasizing what you must encompass - Patience in this case.

As you set off into the galaxy communicating, remember what you're intent is and don't be afraid to start with that.

It is way better than inadvertently offending someone when you set out to compliment them.

Enough said.

Picture credit: http://electrastreet.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/hello-wordle.png?fa7b5c

Throwing Out My Ego

Thinking of having a baby in the near future? I was given advice. The warnings. The benefits. But what most people don't talk about (maybe because they think they're out of line) is how quickly your ego gets thrown out the window.

Baby G was born on February 28, 2017 at 3:22pm. My pregnancy was on the difficult side with all day sickness from week six to 39 and contractions starting from week 28.

"But once you hold her in your arms and look into her eyes, it'll be worth it." <crickets chirping> Yes I love my daughter and wouldn't trade her for anything but I'm still recovering from the last 11 months.

I do, however, recall other comments like "you will learn to be a better leader in the workplace when you become a parent" and I'm starting to see why, hoping it holds true.

Create the Plan

I like to say I bring results and am quite productive at work and at home. It's amazing however how productive you are when you have a 40 week clock ticking.

At work I identified all the things I was leading. Working with my manager, we identified what was important and what could wait based on business needs. But what helped me get through it all was to avoid distraction.

Being at the company for almost seven years now, people know they can rely on me. So saying "no" was important now more than ever. And I learned that it was okay to say no and describe that it was based on the priorities. If there was a debate on the priority, it was resolved by putting all the cards on table and looking for the highest number.

It helps to know what needs to be done now and what needs to wait. And what's more crucial is your recovery plan. Who will do what in your absence or what will be done when something goes wrong?

I would rather take that ounce of prevention rather than the pound of reaction. Know what's ahead even when you don't know and have a plan of attack ready.

Take Control

I may have spoken about control in the past but it doesn't hurt to hit the replay button. I couldn't help waking up at five every day with the worst nauseating feeling during my pregnancy. Every time I think something would work to prevent the runs to the restroom, it no longer helped by the following week.

So I told myself to adapt. From five to eight in the morning, then noon and sometimes three to six in the evening, I may be sick. I couldn't control the sickness from happening no matter how many times I changed my diet or tried medicine my doctor prescribed. But I could control how I reacted to it.

Too often, we invest in the things we can't control. We nag about what the universe has or hasn't given us. In order to achieve results, we need to keep moving forward and we do so by analyzing what's within our control in order to succeed.

Be Humble

This one has always been the hardest for me. But when I do look into my daughter's eyes, nothing else seems to matter in that moment. She is looking to be for love, care, food and comfort. I put her needs before mine regardless of the situation. And when I can't anymore, I am willing to hand her to her father so I can rest and recharge. That was not easy in the beginning.

I am the kind of person who does everything at once and doesn't usually ask for help. When you have a fragile human being in your arms, it can be dangerous to try and do it all.

And this got me thinking- how many times did I work more than 60hrs/week? How were my decision making skills? How was my attitude towards my team? My family.

Pride can get you in trouble. Just recently, I let my guard down. I broke down and asked for help. I stopped worrying about how I would be viewed and didn't care if anyone was keeping score, which no one wasn't.

I started to listen more to what my daughter was saying (through her facial and mouth expressions and different cries); what my husband wasn't saying through his gestures of feeding the baby or rubbing my back randomly; and what my body was telling me through the aches and pains.

It's still difficult and with her growing cycles, there will be different phases of difficult but I at least lowered the expectations and know when and how to ask for help.

My daughter is just over a month now and she's slowly recovering from her low birth weight and thankfully that was the only consequence of a risk we learned about in the second trimester.

She will start to walk and talk before I am able to publish this post. So I hope to carry this message with me through her teething phase, her kindergarten hurdles, her college acceptance essays and her final touches of her dissertation (oh right, I said low expectations before huh?)

But I also hope to think of this time when I take on that next big project or interview for a manager position.

Our pride can cloud our judgment and distract us from focusing on what's important. Multitasking can be productive but I've learned the time spent feeding my daughter for 20-40 minutes a sitting, cannot be replaced. It's crucial to her health, wellbeing and aura.

If you can see the result ahead of you, then that is half the battle of achieving it. So don't be afraid to breath and be vulnerable why marking your path. If you're persistent enough, you'll succeed, even if you have to change diapers six times between start to finish. Every moment counts in achieving the end result, which includes bonding with your baby or even your team.

Age Responsibly

I love helping people and wish I knew five years ago what I know now. It took me years to get to where I am today. As I come across challenges, I want to help people grow faster than I did. 

And I recognize it will take me years to get to where I want to be. My intentions come with humility but my actions may not always display that. 

I was always taught to share what I knew and ask questions when I didn't know.  There is nothing worse than assuming. 

Well, one thing: being mistaken as an arrogant know it all. 

After receiving a negative response when providing insight to someone, it got me thinking: what did I say? I was just trying to help. Or maybe I should ask myself: how did I say it? 

The timing and tone of my input was off, thus leading to the perception that I was better at this particular action and that I was a "know-it-all."  How can I be better in the future? How I can truly demonstrate care, support and humility without bringing someone down in the process? 

It comes with experience. Experience can sometimes relate to age. 

I've been in denial that I am entering my 30s this week. Trying to make it the new 20s, my brother (who is 12 years senior to me) reminded me how I made a dentures joke in his 30th birthday card. Ouch, Tima. 

What I've come to realize is that age isn't all bad. As each year progresses, we can either improve or stay where we are. I started out by saying how I'm a different person than who I was at 25 and I can only hope to be a different and better person at 35. 

To demonstrate care, support and humility it starts with being human. We have flaws in our communication styles and get trapped in our own bubble from time to time. The key to being better is to always be more personable. 

When we call our insurance company or credit card service, we have an urge to speak to a person, not an automated service. So why is it so hard to be personable in day-to-day conversations? 

There's a way to point to the process and a way to be blunt but in all those cases you can easily acknowledge the person you're talking to. Acknowledge their presence. Their state of mind. Their challenge. When we're empathic, it becomes easier to communicate. 

Being personable can take you a long way. I'm hoping to mature in how I communicate and connect. I'm hoping to grow and how I grow will be based on each and every decision I make.

I want to look back five, ten or twenty years and smile at the path I've crossed; the path I created. 

But with that smile comes a sense of humanity. So the next time I hit a major birthday milestone, I need to be reminded that I got there with experience. Hopefully people can vouch that with my age and growth, I arrived through care, support and humility. 

A superhero's uncle once said: "with great power comes great responsibility."  I'm becoming convinced that with greater age comes greater responsibility and greater consequences. 

Don't discount your age. Instead, make every year count for the best.

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